DadGeek’s Top 5 Weirdest Black Friday Amazon Deals

This year Amazon have announced that they will be having 10 whole days of Black Friday deals starting on November 17th. The deals are notoriously a mixed bag and can range from awesome money-savers to rather obscure products that Amazon is clearly trying to clear off the shelves. We’ve gone ahead and checked out some of these deals and brought you some pretty weird offers that you can pick up for much less money than usual.

1. The Tactical Balaclava/Ninja Mask

Are you a ninja? Do you find your ears getting cold waiting on rooftops at 3am? Do you need to avenge a wrongdoing on behalf of your ancestors? Maybe people aren’t taking you seriously because of unsightly blemishes in the nose or mouth area? If any of these apply to you then you should check out this snuggly face glove called the Tactical Balaclava Full Face Mask Fleece Warm Winter Outdoor Sports Mask Wind-resistant Hood Hat Multi Colors from a totally reputable company called UPmall.

I know what you’re thinking. “All my other ninja hoods just aren’t versatile enough”. Worry no longer. This balaclava is tactical, which means it can be reconfigured into multiple arrangements for whatever occasion you require.

Having checked out their wares, UPmall also seem to sell other things, like this incredibly cheap-looking basketball game retailing for a whopping £70. Perhaps you’d like this entirely different cheap-looking basketball game, again retailing for £70. Reviews from people who’ve paid $8 for it say it’s not worth the money so I imagine that £70 is only going to buy you rage and/or a discussion with your doctor about your blood pressure.

2. A Megapack of Condoms

If you’re the man (or woman) about town, you don’t want to be caught short without this rucksack’s-worth of prophylactics. Why pay £14.50 for only 12 when for a mere 49p more you can buy Durex Surprise Me Variety Condoms – Pack of 40 and have an imperial pound of sexual sheaths delivered direct to your front door? This is the future we all dreamed for ourselves isn’t it?

Durex are pretty secretive about exactly what the “surprise” element of this bundle entails but, given the brand’s reputation for quality, it’s unlikely to be a pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease. If you need enough protection to give a Las Vegas callgirl peace of mind for the whole week, this could be your hot tip this November.

3. A Helicopter Glitterball

When humanity invented disco in the early 1970s, the real thorn in the side of the industry was the exorbitant costs charged by the opportunistic maintenance personnel require to install the glitterballs. Ever since those days, generations of handymen and electricians have been given licence to name their price for the highly complex task of bolting a spinning ball safely to the ceiling for the purposes of sparkly entertainment. Even recently, despite being relegated to village halls and community centres, the job carries a high tariff.

But those days may now be numbered thanks to a radical new invention from the folks at Etpark, who have shown such devotion to this revelation that their store doesn’t actually sell anything else except this one miracle product. Etpark have developed the RC Flying Ball, Etpark Crystal Flashing LED Light Flying ball RC Toy RC infrared Induction Helicopter for Kids, Teenagers Colorful Flyings for Kid’s Toy. Despite its small size the information states that it will whizz about for 8 minutes on a 30 minute charge. It also states that “Since the drone is super smart and will fly away from your hand when you try to grab it.” and “the helicopter is very sturdy and will resist damage”. So this is how Skynet starts…

If regular glitterballs are just too ‘safe’ for your tastes, grab one of these and have it dart at your face from out of the darkness like an angry mosquito.

4. All These Toilet Rolls

If you’re still stuck for those unique Christmas present ideas, how about enough toilet roll to block a door?

Astound friends and unannounced visitors alike with this bumper selection of lavatorial parchment, the likes of which are rarely seen outside of a Macro. With a whopping 9,000 sheets, you’ll be spoiled for choice. Also, think how many craft projects you’ll be able to do with 45 toilet roll inner tubes! Who needs an Xbox One X when you’ve got this waiting for you under the tree? Unreal.

The only way this could be any better is if Andrex made a selection box. Just think of the crazy times going on in that bathroom! What have we got this week? Quilted? Get out of town.

5. A Cheese Making Kit

I’ve saved the best one for last. If you’ve always wanted to start your own *drum roll* cottage industry (it’s a cheese joke) in the fine art of dairy solid production, then there’s no better place to start than with this handy kit. What better way to entertain guests or strike up a fascinating discourse at a dinner party than showing off some of your homemade artisanal cheese?

When you get Cheese Making Kit – make 20 different artisan cheeses from plucky upstarts CheeseMonkey, you’ll be the talk of cheese town. Take on the giants at Cathedral City and Wensleydale to become, and this is specified clearly in the marketing material, THE ULTIMATE CHEESEMAKER.

That’s all folks. We’ll be doing a separate round-up of the slightly less weird but ultimately more appealing deals coming up in the Black Friday sale soon. Sign up to our email list or social media to be alerted!

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2 thoughts on “DadGeek’s Top 5 Weirdest Black Friday Amazon Deals

  • 22nd November 2017 at 1:12 PM
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    Hahahahaha! Brilliant post! Your writing really made me laugh! The floating glitter ball thing has been offered to me to review! Ha! I turned it down…imagine waiting 30 minutes to charge it just for the kids to be disappointed 8 minutes later!

    Reply
    • 22nd November 2017 at 4:18 PM
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      Haha! I don’t think I could review it with a straight face! I could only recommend it to people who wished to live in fear of eye-level rotor blades and electricity bills.

      Reply

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